The First Thing

I don't know where this thought came from but it leapt unbidden into my mind one morning. It's not an original thought, or in any way a new one, in fact St Paul said something similar 2000 years ago, but coming as it did it had a transforming effect on me and it has taken several days for me to digest and treasure it. It was this: When I die Jesus is not going to ask me how many rosaries I've said (and I love the rosary) or if I went to a Latin Mass or even if I was faithful to Church teaching: no, He's going to ask me how much I have loved. He's going to want to know how much I loved Him and how much I loved others. To change St Pauls words: if I have attended a Latin Mass every Sunday and said a hundred rosaries a week it means nothing if I haven't loved. Praise God, deep prayerful thought assured me that I said my rosary and went to the Latin Mass BECAUSE I loved Him so much, but loving MUST come first. Please God I'll never forget this lesson.

Gentle Woman

I love this prayer and pray it often: Gentle Woman, quiet light, Morning star, so strong and bright. Gentle Mother, peaceful dove, teach us wisdom, teach us love.

Loving the Latin Mass.

I went to our beloved Latin Mass today and was musing on the way home how much it has grown since it first started around 18 months ago. In the beginning we often feared we wouldn't reach double figures and on one occasion when Fr.Tom was away on retreat the Bishop stood in for him and the congregation was only 10! The Bishop, who was no fan of the Latin Mass and had only allowed it under pressure, remarked acidly "I can't see why we're doing this". Maybe it was because he wouldn't allow it to be advertised in any way. Now, we get around 30 people and often more and it's a very close and welcoming community. The Mass is said in a small chapel about 20k outside the city, and, oddly enough, most of the congregation are not from the city, in fact there only about 6 of us who are. Most are from small country towns and many drive well over an hour, sometimes two, to get there. Apart from the beauty and holiness of the Latin Mass, and the dignity and devotion of the congregation during Mass, it's inspiring and fulfilling to mix with such loving and dedicated people, I love it. God is good!

Freedom

It was many years ago when I first found the poem "When I am old I shall wear purple..." I loved it and have always kept a copy. Well now I AM old and I don't wear purple and I don't spit but I certainly realise that growing old does give me a great freedom from caring too much about what people other people think. I really don't worry any more about people thinking I'm a 'religious nut' or that I'm heavier than I used to be. I can go my 30 minutes walk a day free from that nagging feeling that I should do more - I even feel blessed and thankful that I CAN do it when so many people of my age can't. I am blessedly free of the necessity of planning the future; I can live in the present and Alex and I happily reminisce together about the past and don't feel guilty about it. People advise "Don't live in the past, look to the future." We haven't much future on earth and we have a lot of past and enjoy visiting it. We DO have a future for sure and hopefully it'll be glorious and blessed, so why shouldn't I 'wear purple' metaphorically speaking of course.

Be always with Christ.

I love the maxim "Be always with Christ". To be always with Him...to live only for Him: to die to myself, to my wishes, desires and feelings wanting only Him and His desires for me. It means staying close to Him throughout the day, to pray at regular times yes,and especially at the beginning of the day, but also to pray to him continuously, never having ME time unless He is included. It's hard and sacrificial but also sweet, tender and joyful. I haven't arrived there yet, but I keep practising...with Him.

Mary's role.

During this month of Mary as I pray the rosary I love to meditate on The blessed Mother's role in Jesus' life. Today I was saying the luminous mysteries and apart from the Marriage Feast it is harder to bring her in than in the other mysteries. But I imagine. I'm mediating on the Baptism of The Lord by John the Baptist. We don't know that Mary was there so I imagine a neighbour rushing in and telling her the news and Mary nodding slowly: she knew it was going to happen but she didn't know when. "So" I can see her saying quietly to herself "It begins." She must have known it would lead to suffering for Him ...and her. She must have prayed for Him and for those who would follow Him. "Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us..."

What do you do?

What do you do when travel to Mass through heavy traffic and discover the priest has cancelled the Mass and locked up the Church AGAIN? What do you do when the same priest says casually at the end of Mass two days later that he's cancelling Mass tomorrow? What do you do when you get the distinct impression that your Priest considers daily Mass-goers a nuisance? What do you do when you go to Mass at another Church and the whole congregation is laughing and talking so loudly before Mass and totally ignoring the Blessed Sacrament that you are driven out almost in tears? In the words of an old Protestant song I "Give it all to Jesus" and redouble my prayers for Priests.

Celebrating the Assumption

I love to prepare for special feast days and today has been a planning day for the Feast of the Assumption. I have prepared a sweet crown for our statue of the Blessed Mother and tomorrow I will also put a extra special flower before the tiny statue of her that I keep over my sink - and often chat to. The first Mass available to me is at 12.05pm and I sigh for the days when one could go to Mass at 6.30am; I'd love to start the Holy Day that early. Finally we will have a very special ice-cream treat after dinner in her honour. I love being a Catholic!

No Worries

So we are off to spend the weekend with our family scattered round the North Island and we have a 4 hour journey. Part of that journey takes us past a volcano which has just started having "minor eruptions" such as just ash on the roads and fumes in the air and flames and lava above us. "No worries" as Kiwis say. "The Lord is my Shepherd What have I to fear?" No worries. But just to be sure, I'll check out saints who'll protect us from volcanoes. And I'll take my rosary for sure!

Crazy Seasons

The seasons here in NZ are always haywire. This is the last month of winter yet when Alex and I went walking today in the beautiful University grounds, we saw in a one small area snowdrops, daffodils, bluebells and violets are flowering together! Crazy...but lovely. Praise God for the beauty of His creation.

Learning a new habit.

I have set myself a challenge to learn a new habit. I'm ashamed that I don't do already do this, but the truth is, I don't, and it's pretty hard to learn a new habit at my age. What I'm challenging myself to do is to say a Grace before Meals at EVERY meal. There I've admitted it! Alex and I usually pray together before our evening meal, but we take our other meals casually and often at separate times and I always forget to thank God for them. So, for the past 2 weeks I've been really hard to remember, and even leave myself little reminders on the dining table but I still often forget. I DO improve a little when I ask my guardian angel to remind me in my morning prayers, but I often even forget to ask him! But I keep trying and thank God when I do remember. One day soon, with God's and my guardian angel's help, it will become a true (and blessed) habit!

Prayers Please

I recently had some very bad news. Our beloved Latin Mass priest, Fr Tom, has been having quite a struggle with reading the variable parts of the Latin Mass and even at the daily English Mass he had some difficuly reading the prayers. I wondered why he didn't get his glasses checked out but this week I was told that he has a incurable, degenerative eye disease. He's going to see Fr John Reay. a NZ priest with a healing Ministry, and ask him for prayer and we're ALL praying. He is he such a dedicated, blessed and loving priest and lives to say Mass. "Healer of the blind man, please heal Fr Tom, your priest." Please pray for him.

Celebrating Sundays

I love Sundays. I definitely see it as a day of celebration and rest. I spend most of Saturday preparing for Sunday so that I can have a complete rest (Thank you Lord for giving us a day of rest. Please help us rest!) When our children were young it was hard to have a day of rest, but we tried. My husband who comes from a more Protestant background has never quite grasped the Catholic Sunday. We go to Mass first and on the way home I may suggest having an icecream together (the only day I allow myself icecream) and he asks "Do you think we should eat icecream on a Sunday?" or I may suggest watching a favourite dvd and get the same response. I reply cheerfully "Away with your Puritan notions. We Catholics celebrate the Resurrection on Sundays. It is a day of rest and rejoicing!" Another taste of heaven perhaps?

Religion as a hobby

My old friend Rita was talking to her neighbour. Rita, a staunch Catholic, mentioned that she had just come back from Church. "Oh" said her neighbour "I think religion is such a great hobby for older people. I might take it up myself when I retire." For once in her life Rita was lost for words.

My Lord and my God.

It sometimes hits you doesn't it? Sometimes you realise, quite suddenly, that something about our Faith which we accept faithfully but peacefully is actually amazing, awe-inspiring and almost terrifying. This evening I was at an English Mass and everything was calm and quiet, it was just before Communion. Father held up the consecrated host and suddenly the reality of what was happening shook me. This was Jesus, the Son of God, our beloved Saviour, and soon I would hold Him in my workaday hands that do so many messy, dirty jobs. I would hold HIM. What could I do but kneel before Him and say, with utter humility, love and awe, "My Lord and my God."

Wondering...

Today was such a lovely day - in the middle of winter too - that I ventured out to do a little gardening. Now, I am not a gardener, I have a husband and 3 sisters who ARE and I know what a good gardener is and I'm not one of them. But I do go out occasionally, when the weather is not too cold or hot or windy or wet and pull up a few weeds. I couldn't help wondering today as I carried a pile of them to the bin why God created weeds...and snails!

Love for the Latin Mass

I sometimes wonder about the effect the Latin Mass has on me. When I come home after one I feel totally at peace, joyous and fulfilled, not just in my spirit but, in some inexplicable way, in every part of me. It's an amazing experience to feel that way and quite unexpected. Of course I love any Mass but why does the Latin Mass nourish me so much? I don't think it's the Latin, though that may be part of it, but the prayers themselves are so different from our modern prayers. They emphasise the greatness and glory of God, and the incredible holiness of what is happening on the altar. Combined with the silently worshipping congregation,the priest facing towards God instead of us, the whole atmosphere is one of awe and reverence. In that atmosphere I feel at home and at peace. Then of course we have a humble, gentle priestly priest who truly loves us. He preaches strong, hard hitting sermons instead of the feel-good sermons we get from other priests. After Mass we stand outside catching up with each other's news and Father moves among us, chatting, praying with those who need special prayers, and hearing confessions. And there is the dedicated congregation who are so devout, so friendly and so thankful to have a Latin Mass. One 92 year old drives for 1 1/2 hours to get there with his younger sister who is a mere 89! Many drive similar distances including a family with 6 young children. It's amazing how many children attend with their parents and what a blessing they are. So I thank God with all my heart that we are allowed a Latin Mass. My Latin is not too good but...Deo Gratias.

Friday Fasting.for Priests

I try to make every day of the week spiritually different but Fridays are extra special. My mission at present is prayer and especially to pray for priests. On Fridays I 'fast' for priests. It's not a complete fast, as fasting is not advisable for older people, but I do a kind of semi-fast. I don't eat meat on Fridays, with a nod to tradition, and I don't eat anything sweet (despite my very sweet tooth). I have a normal breakfast and my other two meals are light such as soup, cheese on toast, something like that. I don't have fish on Fridays because fish, for me, is a very expensive treat! Strangely enough, although I find the semi-fast a bit of a struggle - especially the lack of sugar - I love Fridays and I love fasting for priests. They need our prayers and sacrifices particularly at the moment as they are so much under attack. and here in New Zealand they are getting fewer and fewer. Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, grant your Church many and holy priests. Mary, Mother of us all, Pray for Priests.

SuperConfession

Our Latin Mass priest, our beloved Father T., announced that he would hear confessions AFTER Mass instead of before as he did last month. I was rather disappointed as I loved going to Confession then straight into Mass but Father explained to me that after Mass he can devote more time to each person. He did too, most of us were with him for ten minutes or so. When it was my turn, he read a very relevant passage from the Bible on how to handle the sins I had confessed, and we had a chat on how to avoid them in the furure. Very nourishing! As we were waiting our turn to go in, my friend told me that at her regular church they allow 3 minutes per confession!

It is the Lord!

I have been reading a wonderful book called "Dominus Est - It is the Lord" by The Most Reverend Schneider. It is a short book about Holy Communion and how we should receive Our Blessed Lord "cum amore ac timore" (with love and fear) and the reverence and love we should feel at the Presence of Him in the tabernacle in our Churches. I love this prayer he quotes: There, where my dear Jesus dwells where He is enthroned in the tabernacle, There, I wish to be kneeling continually. There, I wish to pray unceasingly. Jesus I love You deeply. Hidden Love I adore You. Abandoned Love, I adore You. Despised Love, I adore You . Love trampled underfoot, I adore You, Infinite Love, dying on the Cross for us, I adore you. My dear Lord and Saviour, make it be that I am all love and expiation towards the Most Blessed Sacrament in the heart of your loving Mother Mary. Amen

Blessings

The birthday party for my daughter and granddaughter was a delight. My daughter and her neice whose birthdays are 2 days apart, but whose ages are 32 years apart, have so much in common and both of them are special blessings from God. My daugher was a huge surprise to me, as my other children were in their teens. To be pregnant at 35 was hard to cope with at first, but I loved having another baby in the house . My youngest granddaugher was also a shock to her mother. Her older siblings were in their late teens and my daughter was 44! But what a joy they both are. At the party I was watching them: they are the noisiest and liveliest people in our family (now my older grandchildren are overseas) and such fun. God sometimes gives us wonderful surprises.

Praying in the Morning

Ever since I became a Christian, in my 20s, I have prayed in the morning. I am a morning person and it seemed natural to me to begin my day with prayer. As I drew back the curtains I would say "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." It was some years later that I found out it was both a song and a Psalm. Then I would sit and have a short time of prayer - a huge and challenging learning experience for me. But, with God's help I persevered - though the fight to resist disractions seems to be never ending. Later I found this Psalm: Lord, I call to you for help: every morning I pray to you." It seemed to express exactly what I felt. I need to ask for help and to think about and praise God. What better way for me to start the day?

Birthdays

A confession to make. This weekend my youngest grandchild turns 9 and my youngest child turns 40! They're all growing older and I wish they wouldn't! My solace is they are both such wonderful people. Recently my granddaughter told me she wished she could win the lottery (although none of us ever buy tickets) so she could "give some food to poor children in Africa'! And my youngest child has, after a very unsettled life, met a wonderful man who she loves very much and who loves her. She is so happy I am consoled that she is turning 40! I admit that THEY are not worried about their increasing ages, only I am in my heart of hearts. Where is my faith and peace in God? I still have it I just forget sometimes!

The Forerunner

Another of my favourite Feasts today: The Nativity of John the Baptist. I think the story of his birth is one of the first Bible Stories I ever heard and I was really intrigued by it. I love the name the Orthodox (I think) Church gives him: The Forerunner. The name makes me think of someone running ahead of The King, carrying a flaming torch and preparing the people for His coming. May I always be prepared for His coming! St John the Baptist pray for us.

St Thomas More

June 22 is the Feast Day of St Thomas More and St John Fisher. They mean a lot to me as I am English born and lived there for the first half of my life but also because I obtained my first teaching post at St John Fisher school and for 30 years was a member of St Thomas More's Church. So we celebrated yesterday. We had wine with our special dinner and after dinner we watched "A Man for all Seasons " which is a wonderful 1966 movie about the final years and execution of Thomas More. What a wise, brave, modest, witty man he was. I love this prayer he wrote: "Lord Give us a mind that is humble, quiet and peaceable. patient and charitable, and a touch of your Holy Spirit in all our thoughts, words and deeds. O lord give us a lively faith, a firm hope a fervent charity, a love of you. Take from us all lukewarmedness in meditation and all dullness in prayer. Give us fervour and delight in thinking of you, your grace, and your tender compassion towards us. Give us good Lord, the grace to work for what we pray for".

When joy goes.

For the past week or so I have not been well and it's been surprisingly hard to 'sing for joy'. Although the illness was not in any way painful or life-threatening I was astonished at how little I wanted to pray, in fact for a couple of days I didn't pray apart for a few "arrow' prayers. The joy, that is always somewhere deep in my heart even when I'm sad or worried, seemed to have just gone. Yet as I've begun to recover and get back my joy and prayer rhythm I thank God for that temporary emptiness. When I thought I was walking alone with empty hands and heart, I know it was His strong hand holding mine that kept me safe on the path so I could pick up again where I left off. In a strange way it was a very precious time. Thank you Beloved Lord.

For Our Mother.

Whan I was a little girl (centuries ago!) I had a beloved book called 'Mary was five.' Mary was a little girl, only a little younger than me, and every day she would go into the garden and pick a small bouquet of flowers to put in a special vase her mother kept by her chair. I really longed to do the same for MY Mother but I was living in the back streets of an industrial town at the time and there were NO flowers to be picked. We only had tiny gardens and most of ours was taken up with an airaid shelter. And as food was very scarce, any spare inches of soil left was devoted to a straggle of vegetables. How I envied Mary. On my window sill over my sink I now have a small statue of our Blessed Mother and every morning I go into the garden and choose one tiny flower to put in a minute vase I have by the statue. Like Mary, every morning I pick a flower for my Mother. A longing fulfilled.

A Taste of Heaven?

This morning as we were saying the rosary before the Latin Mass began it was announced that Father would hear confessions. It is the first time in my life that I have been able to go to Confession BEFORE Mass and it was such a joyful experience. To go to Mass and receive Communion knowing that you truly are in a state of grace is such a blessing. From Rosary to Confession to Mass ... what a taste of heaven.

Moments of Despair

It is easy for Catholics to despair for our beloved country. We have abortion on demand, no one questions it now although many of us did for years and years but were ignored. Last week our Prime Minister (who I voted for alas) said casually that he supported gay marriage and all three main political parties are vying for the honour of bringing the issue to parliament. This week the PM said he couldn't see any reasons against gay adoption although very few babies are offered for adoption in NZ (they're mostly aborted)and heterosexual couples who hope to adopt have to pass stringent suitability tests and even after they have passed those, may have to wait for years or even forever. There is no uproar, no fight back. the bills will be passed without any doubt. All of us who have fought in the past are tired and exhausted at getting nowhere for years and sadly the Church here seems more outspoken about "social justice" issues than moral ones.It's easy to despair and sometimes I have low moments when I do. But God only asks us to do what we can, so I pray and speak out when I can but mostly I just trust Him who is Lord of all - even New Zealand.

Getting Old

Most of us dread getting old, I know I did. On my 50th birthday I cried all day. My workmates had planned a wonderful celebration for me, I received flowers, gifts and a huge party from my wonderful children...but I just cried and cried because I thought I getting old. But now I am old and I wonder with amusement and a little shame, why I cried. OK there are lots of irritating health issues. I told my doctor recently that I felt like an old car that keeps having to be patched up when really what the owner needs is a NEW car. He laughed at me. But old age brings lots of blessings: maturity, peace, the appreciation of the beauty in our lives, the love of grandchildren, tolerance and ...perhaps most of all, time. And one day, fairly soon, this old body WILL be replaced with a glorious new one(I hope and pray)! Won't it be wonderful to see Him "Face to face"? Yes, getting old is pretty cool.

Mother's Day

Many years ago I read in C.S.Lewis's "That Hideous Strength" of a woman who, although actually barren, was described as looking like "a matriarch, mother of mothers, grave, formidable and august." I have always loved that expression and when my daughter put HER first daughter in my arms I thought with tears "I am the mother of a mother." That is why I love Mother's Day. To be a mother of mothers, and a mother of a father is beyond description. Many other thoughts fill my mind; my own Mother, long since passed away, and our Blessed Mother truly a Mother of us all. That's why I love Mother's day.

RememberingJesus

I often have to remind myself that being a Catholic is about having a relationship with Jesus. I find it so easy to slide into thinking it's about the liturgy (good or bad) or the priests (good or not-so-good) or fellow parishioners (good or bad) or any other burning topic, but it's not, it's about Jesus. The Church gives us many, many occasions to focus on Him; we have the Mass, Holy Hours, the rosary and other prayers, and we have our fellow Catholics who are Christs to us. But my mind slips and slithers and and I grasp onto the shell of the devotion and disregard the kernel. Praise God for Confession where we are pulled back into that wonderful, loving relationship.

Autumn

Autumn is with us at last. Every year I forget how much I love it: beautiful trees in gorgeous colours, abundant fruit hanging or falling off trees, log fires and brisk walks in the pale sunshine thanking God for the beauty he surrounds us with. If He makes this beauty for our short years on Earth, what must Heaven, the permanent home He planned for us, be like?

Jam Making

As Alex has discovered his inner cook late in life, he has further discovered his inner jam maker! He loves making jam and marmalade. As we are a small family he only makes small amounts at a time, and he always gives some of it away. A few weeks ago he felt a jam making mood come on him. We only had a handful of plums, so he used those and got a few fejoas off a neighbour's tree, found some frozen berries in the freezer and made a small pot of jam out of them. It is delicious and tastes like, and has the texture of, strawberry jam even though its label says "Plum, fejoa and berry jam". As I write he is making crabapple jelly from the crab apples in our garden. He always makes his jam outside on a gas ring he bought for that purpose. It is an idyllic sight from my window, the sun shining and the jam bubbling away happily and Alex pottering and stirring. I think he's really enjoying it. And we'll both enjoy the result.

Prison Parties

Our 8 year old granddaughter, has a very enquiring mind, and wanted to talk about prisons for some reason. Among other questions, she wanted to know was what happens if you are in prison and it's your birthday, do you get a party? She was horrified when we told her no. We defended the mean attitude of the prison authorities, "You have done something wrong, you are being punished, you're not there to have a good time." She conceded that but obviously thought it was unthinkable cruelty "But still...it IS your birthday.'

We advised keeping out of prison. I think she will...now she knows the awful facts!

Glory Days

It is supposed to be well into autumn here, but instead we've had the most beautiful weather; warm, but not too hot, blue skies, sunny and still. Perfect weather to reflect the glorious joy in our hearts.

Alleluia! He is risen indeed!

Garden grace

Ar church I was asked to go on the roster for laundering the altar linen. Last week was my first experience. A big responsibility!

The instructions say "Do not pour the wash water down the drain, throw it on your garden. God will bless the garden for sure." As it contained detergent my husband was not keen for me to pour it on his newly planted winter veges so instead it was deposited on the rather raggy front lawn. I am expecting great things!

A Great Gift.

My dearest friend is 80 today. We first met not long after my family arrived in NZ and she introduced me into the hidden customs of Kiwi life. One custom she taught me was that when you visit a friend you never go to the front door, you go to the back door. Only strangers go to the front door. She also taught me that when you are asked to 'bring a plate' to a social event, you are expected to put something tasty ON the plate!

M. and I hit it off straight away. I was in my mid thirties and she was in her early 40s when we met. Both of us had 3 children, and we were both very family and Catholic minded. Over the years we have shared many joys but some very traumatic times. We've laughed and cried together, and we can talk for hours. We are very different in temperament; she is very calm, faithful, seldom questions but accepts people and situations as they are. I am very impulsive, analytical and emotional.

I can't believe she's 80, a very fit and active 80 although she has had a lot of illness in her life. But she's always positive about her health. I've threatened that on her tombstone I'll put "I'm a bit better today" which is what she always says when she's ill!

Happy 80th birthday M. I thank God daily that He brought us together. A best friend is one of God's greatest gifts.

Chasing Rainbows.

Two of my adult grandchildren are off to see 'the world' in a way that Kiwi kids seem to need to do (we are such a small country). My granddaugher asked me if I had never felt the need to travel and see strange and exotic places like India or Africa. Well, I had moved from England to New Zealand which was a particularly long and exotic move but no, I explained how feel no urge to travel and that I actually enjoy ordinary, mundane life. She thought that was strange, she has spent several months in China, teaching English and loved the different culture, and was keen to experience many more.
I find it hard to explain how the wonder of ordinary everyday living leaves me feeling happy and fulfilled, especially when one is serving Almighty God to the best of one's ability.
I also didn't say that I was married with 2 children at her age, and that the joy and awe of giving birth, and raising my children was far more challenging and infinitely more rewarding than looking at how and where other people live.
I wish them well in their travels but in my heart of hearts I think they are searching for rainbows, and the rainbow is probably nearer than they know!

The Annunciation

At Mass this morning we celebrated the Annunciation. I love this first joyful mystery, and think about it often. I wonder what Mary was doing when the Angel appeared, was she asleep or out walking or what. What amazing trust she must have to accept God's will that she, an unmarried woman, should bear a child, knowing that the penalty for it in her culture was death by stoning!

As far as we know she only asked one question and it wasn't the one most women would ask like "Who's going to protect me?" or "What shall I tell my Mum and Dad?" She just trusted God totally.

One of the prayers I like to say in the morning is "Most Sacred Heart of Jesus I place all my trust in you." and as I lit the white candle this morning and said it I thought of our Blessed Mother and prayed that I will trust Him utterly as she did.

St Joseph

St Joseph has always been special to me because I've been praying to him for my husband's conversion for over 50 years! I still pray to him and trust him to answer my prayers...one day.

When I was teaching I always taught the children this song about St Joseph which I found in an old hymn book. I can only remember the first verse and chorus and I can't even find the rest on google!

St Joseph was a happy man and he worked hard and well,
With saw and plane and nails and wood he made good things to sell.

You'd hear him singing
And his hammer ringing
For St Joseph was a happy man!

It has a happy tune as well.

For the glory of God..

When I sat down to write this blog post I was going to write an amusing story about what Alex and I were doing this morning. But as I began I felt a certain uneasiness about it. I didn't take much notice of this nebulous feeling because the story was actually funny and quite innocuous but I had just written a couple of sentences when the computer closed itself down! Irritated (it's an old computer) I started again but this time the feeling got stronger! I paused, puzzled and this thought came into my head "Is this post for the Glory of God?" And I remembered that my aim, when I started this blog, was "For the Glory of God." And the post I'd planned was just a bit of fluff, not bad, not good, just words.

Strange and awe-inspiring to think He takes us at our word!

Shrove Tuesday

My 2 younger grandchildren are being brought up as Christians but not Catholic. I respect my daughter's wishes although the situation saddens me more than I can say.
But yesterday we brought a little Catholicism into their lives: we had pancakes for Shrove Tuesday. They remembered it from last year and were madly excited, devising as many toppings as they could think of;maple syrup, apple syrup, orange and brown sugar, chocolate chips, and sliced banana and peaches. They also persuaded Alex to make the drink he'd made for them last year which they called Spider but which was really icecream soda.

Alex explained why we have pancakes on Shrove Tuesday as a way of eating up all the goodies before Lent. They were a bit baffled by Lent but looked forward eagerly to the end of it when we have Easter Eggs. We don't usually give them lollies except when they go home and then they allowed 2 each. We explained that to give them an idea of Lent they would only get ONE lolly each during Lent. They were not keen on that but accepted it. It made me realise that modern children (not Catholic ones we hope) get all the rewards (Christmas and Easter) but not the challenges of Advent or Lent. They miss so much.

For Me alone.

I wonder why I write this blog that no one reads? Why should they? I never link to any other blog or advertise it in any way. I'm not even sure I WANT anyone to read these very personal thoughts.

In short I think I write it because I love writing - the sheer pleasure of getting random thoughts down in print. So sorry to Ms Nobody who reads this. I'm not writing for you but for myself! Praise God!

God's Good Ideas.

When I was younger I had wonderful ideas on how to help my local church which was struggling a little. I put some of these ideas in action and they were quite fruitful and I was pleased. Then one day I felt God was asking me to die to my good ideas and only use HIS! It was very hard because I am not really a creative person, I can't paint or sew or knit but I knew I my ideas were creative and well received by the parishioners. So reluctantly, one morning I said to Our Lord: from this day on I will die to MY good ideas, and only use yours." Sounds a bit dramatic but I was dramatic in those day.

A short while afterwards my dearest friend told me privately, that to her fear and amazement God had spoken to her that morning and she didn't know what the words meant and what she was supposed to do about them. She is a very down to earth woman, not given to fantasising so I believed her. Then she told me the words...and immediately I knew totally they were for me! Not only that, I knew precisely what I was supposed to do. It was one of God's Good Ideas that he had promised me. Incredibly awed by the idea that Our Almighty God could have plans for our little, struggling Parish, I swung into action. I knew exactly who to ask to help (18 people and they were not people I would have chosen myself and when I did, not one turned me down). Then followed some very active and Grace filled years. The Parish was changed and flourished so well it built a new church. I have now moved away from the area but it is still flourishing and I see God's Ideas being copied and used in other parishes, if in a less all enconpassing way. I am still amazed and awed by what happened. Praise Him.

Family Day

A wonderful family day yesterday. Lovely but poignant. We all met on my eldest daughter, Lee's, family farm. We went there for family photos - our grandson Ed's girl friend is a wonderful photographer - and in a few days time she has to return home to Sweden. So all four of Lee's children were there and my youngest daughter, Marie and her 'partner", and Alex and myself.

It was a lovely sunny day, when we all assembled in the picturesque paddock full of trees and long grass and Anne snapped away as we wandered around, knee deep in the meadow grass, under the many trees, or sitting at the BBQ table. Anne got us doing crazy things like leaping into the air together (my feet actually never left the floor!) or running toward her through the grass.

Our 2 older grandchildren are leaving just after Anne, to go travelling (AND they hope) working in Europe. So before we left we toasted the three of them with champagne "Enjoy, learn, but please, one day, COME BACK!"

Joys

What is this life
If full of care
We have no time
To stand and stare?

One of the joys of getting older is that one really has 'time to satnd and stare'. Alex is marvelous at this. He has always stood and stared. Just yesterday he called me out to the garden (I was in the middle of a riveting book) to look at a rainbow. We watched it for quite a while as it changed slowly into double rainbows and them gradually faded.

I wonder why God created rainbows? I don't suppose he had to. Maybe they were created just to delight young children and older-stand-and-starers.

Making choices with the Holy Spirit.

We have decided to recarpet our house. This has been our long term dream as our present carpet is rather badly worn. We've put off getting a new one as my dear husband and myself both have strong opinions but also very differing tastes. He likes old and cluttered and I like modern and simple - with plenty of books! He likes to collect old things: china, books, rugs and clocks (we have 2 grandfather clocks in our small house). So choosing things together can lead to strong disagreements but we laid down some guide rules before we left. I like to make quick decisions - he likes to look at everything available before he slowly makes a decision. My way frustrates him (what have we missed?) and his way exhausts and confuses me.

So we decided to only go to a couple of shops. To choose a FEW that we both like, bring them home (my way)and make a decision over a couple of days (his way). That is what we did and we are trying the samples in different lights. It is all so easy! Thank you Holy Spirit for guding us!

Cherries

My lovely daugher brought me some gorgeous, luscious cherries from the South Island. I love cherries, in fact I can't make up my mind which I prefer, beautiful apricots from the Hawkes Bay or S.I cherries. On reflection I think the apricots win but cherries are a close second!

Aren't God's creations amazing?

Little and Hidden.

I like the thought of being little and hidden probably because I am small in stature and hate the limelight. I think of an old French woman, poor and obscure, dressed in black, humble and faihfully going to Mass daily and constantly praying her rosary. Although in Rome the Borgias are in full swing and decadence, immorality and indifference reigns she neither knows or cares about them. I'm not by any means suggesting that the Vatican and our beloved Pope Benedict are like the Borgias rather I feel that the church has been taken over by strident voices, liberal and traditional, each yelling that THEIRS is the true way while Catholics slip away and congregations diminish daily.

I don't want to read, or listen, to any more insults, or arguments bordering on hate, I want to be quietly faithful to the age-old church like my little French woman, to stop criticising and analysing, and to think only of growing in love and faith.

Peace

After Sunday Mass. which was very quiet and peaceful and said by a holy and devout priest, and many decades of the rosary, I feel more at peace with the church.

God is so good. He reaches out to us in our troubles when we pray and seek His grace.

"Come Holy Spirit..."

Tempted

I must admit I'm not enjoying 2012 as much as I hoped. On Jan 1 I discovered my son and his family are not happy with us, and will barely speak to us, but won't say why. On Jan 2 I fell and cut my knee. On January 6 I discovered my dearest and best friend has lung cancer and on January 7 I cut my finger. An even harder trial is I'm also being very tempted to doubt the Catholic Church, not because of these trials but just because...I'm being tempted. I'm very weak and know many people are attacked and retain their unshakeable faith. My friend is one of them and I thought I was.

I praying, and trusting God. Good experience for me to learn trust: but hard.

Beauty

A glorious lavender hedge in full bloom and a stunning orange monarch butterfly joins the myriad of bees feasting off it, and stays there all day.

What breathtaking, heart wrenching beauty!