Monday, February 4, 2013
Deadness
"HIS ways are not our ways" I have often heard this said and I think it's from the Bible though I'm not sure where, but in the few weeks that have made up 2013 have certainly shown me how true it is. I began this year determined to "Rejoice" but the truth is, since then, I've spent little time rejoicing. We've had family issues, health issues, and simple spiritual dryness issues all of which have greatly challenged me The dryness is the worst; in fact I'd call it deadness rather than dryness. I've faced many challenges in my long life as we all do, but this is the worst spiritual challenge I've ever experienced. Mass leaves me cold and I find myself looking for excuses not to go, and even at our beloved Latin Mass last Sunday I thought "I don't think I'll bother coming all this way just for this Mass again"! I haven't said the rosary for days, I just can't find the time strangely enough. Yet I have not lost my faith in God at all, I just feel I can no longer be bothered. I said when I started this blog "In the shadow of His wings I sing for joy" well I'm still in the shadow of His wings, I know it, but the joy has gone. It must be His will for me at the moment...to walk faithfully without the joy. I must go through the motions even though I face inner resistance all the way. God is good.
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ReplyDeleteOne of the best pieces of parenting advice I was ever given was to "act loving even when you don't feel it" - the theory being that by acting as a gentle, loving mother even when sleep deprived or exhausted, the loving feelings would come back through the loving actions. It works!
The same can be applied to our relationship with God: I find that behaving as though I'm feeling drenched by His love, and trying to pray accordingly, at those times when my spiritual life is at its most barren actually seems to shorten the "drought". I suppose it relates to "lex orandi, lex credendi": as we pray, so we believe. Our actions play a role in forming our belief. It's as though we can thwart the things that keep us from God and by praying to him as we ought we receive the graces that we need. A virtuous circle.
Stick with the Rosary: lay your cares and distractions at Our Blessed Mother's feet and ask her to carry you.
Persevere! I will keep you in my prayers.
God bless,
A.E. x
Thank you for your encouragement Elizabeth Annie and I'm happy to tell you I'm back on track. I have been quite ill which is why I couldn't pray. A friend who has several serious illnesses told me, when I was getting better that sick people often can't pray, it's up to others to pray for them. That helped me and made me feel less guilty, and now I can praise God, and pray for the sick more fervently than before!
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